you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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