Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
