I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize