do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize