i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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