So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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