just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
