And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
