she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
