I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
