do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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