Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
