yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
