I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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