Ambien. No doubt about it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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