Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
