I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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