FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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