D3 body, D1 cock
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
