there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
