you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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