and my herpes radar will keep us safe
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
