Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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