I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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