I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
