new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
