i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
