I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
