How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
