My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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