You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
