I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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