You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
