3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize