I wanna bring you to show and tell
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
