WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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