He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
