I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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