just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
