I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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