he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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