I wish i was in the wii world.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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