You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
