girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
