1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
