thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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