Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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