Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
