I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
