this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize