# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
