I'm jealous of your bromance
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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