I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
