I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
