you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
