I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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