when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
