Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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