I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
