I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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