Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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