guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
