Taylor Swift is so right about you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
