I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
