i was born a porn star she said
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
